Wanna party with Justin Bieber … you gotta sign on the dotted line! We got our hands on the contract JB makes all his guests sign … and it seems outrageous — but maybe it isn’t. We’ll explain.

Plus, wait till you see what Farrah Abraham‘s doing now. She’s successfully played the Paris/Kim K. card … gaining superstardom from a sex tape. No one wants to admit it, but it’s hard to argue with facts, right?

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Jose Canseco is under investigation in Las Vegas after a woman filed a report accusing the former MLB star of sexual assault …  but Jose says it’s all BS, TMZ has learned.

Law enforcement tells us … the 48-year-old retired baseball player has been named as a suspect in a police report filed with the Las Vegas Metro Police Department.

We’re told … the person who filed the report says the incident went down on May 10.

Canseco went to his Twitter page moments ago and said, “[The accuser] told police that I druged [sic] her and then raped her. hmmmmm. lets find out what really happened.”

The accuser appears to be a fitness instructor who lives in Vegas.

Story developing …

Catherine Zeta-Jones is out of treatment … and back in control.

For the first time since leaving a mental health facility where she underwent some healthy “maintenance” for her bipolar disorder, the Oscar winner was spotted out in public and driving in New York on Wednesday.

Just yesterday, Catherine’s husband Michael Douglas talked to “Extra” about her health — “She’s got herself worked out with her meds and she’s raring to go!”

We broke the story, Catherine entered a treatment facility back in April. She had previously sought  treatment back in 2011.

Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant just bought himself a stairway to stalker-free heaven — because the obsessed fan he accused of following him around the world has just been ordered to stay the hell away.

TMZ broke the story … Plant obtained a temporary restraining order against 40-something-year-old Alysson Billings earlier this month, requiring her to stay 100 yards away from the singer at all times.

But today, a judge made the restraining order permanent, ordering Billings to stay even farther away — 300 yards — for the next three years.

Plant claims Billings has been harassing him for the last 3 years — showing up at his concerts around the globe, sending him bizarre gifts and increasingly threatening messages.

He says the woman believed they were in a relationship … even though they never met.

Now that’s a whole lotta (unwanted) love.

I love it when you call me … BIG CLOTHING MOGUL — at least, that’s what Christopher Wallace‘s daughter is aspiring to become after launching a fashion line named after her dad.

19-year-old T’yanna Wallace has officially hit the market with “Notoriouss” — a line of shirts and other fashion items.

One interesting point — one of the t-shirt designs has imagery of guns on the front — an odd choice considering the manner in which Wallace died back in 1997.

Noah Wyle has a killer sports memorabilia collection — KILLER — and last night, the “Falling Skies” actor revealed his most prized possession … and it has to do with Jackie Robinson.

Wyle was leaving Madeo last night with his girlfriend Sara Wells when we started talking baseball … since the the former “ER” star is known for being an avid baseball card collector.

But when it came to the crown jewel of Wyle’s collection — it wasn’t a card … but it has something to do with the 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers, one of the most important squads in the history of baseball.

And why, you ask? Just take a look at the roster — Jackie Robinson, Pee Wee Reese, Gil Hodges, Duke Snider and Joe Black, the first African American to pitch in a World Series game.

Pretty sweet, Wyle.

First Tupac … then Eazy-E … now there’s talk Steve Jobs could be the very next HOLOGRAM to appear at a major public event — and Apple CEO Tim Cook ain’t exactly putting the rumors to bed.

Cook was in D.C. yesterday … where the Senate’s Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations grilled him like a cheeseburger over allegations Apple’s ducking billions of dollars in taxes.

FYI — Cook told the politicians, “We pay all the taxes we owe — every single dollar.”

But AFTER the hearing, we asked Tim the question that really matters — ARE WE GETTING A VIRTUAL STEVE JOBS AT THE NEXT BIG APPLE EVENT??

Here’s the good news … Justin Bieber wants to invite you to one of his house parties.  The bad news … if you talk about it, he’s gonna sue your ass for $5 million.

TMZ has obtained a copy of a document EVERYONE must sign before entering Casa De Bieb in Calabasas, CA.  The doc — a Liability Waiver and Release — warns that anyone who blabs about any of the goings on inside the mansion will get nailed, and that includes the “physical health, or the philosophical, spiritual or other views or characteristics” of Bieber or the guests.

The document makes it clear … anyone who violates the terms of the waiver will automatically be on the hook for $5 million in damages.

But wait … there’s more.  If you dare tweet about the party — $5 mil.  If you blog — $5 mil.  If you Instagram — $5 mil. 

And God knows what goes on inside, but the form warns there might be activities which are “potentially hazardous and you should not participate unless you are medically able and properly trained.”

And there’s more … The risks include “minor injuries to catastrophic injuries, including death.”

Truth be told … other big celebs also make people sign these waivers, but it’s pretty hilarious.

Here’s the good news … Justin Bieber wants to invite you to one of his house parties.  The bad news … if you talk about it, he’s gonna sue your ass for $5 million.

TMZ has obtained a copy of a document EVERYONE must sign before entering Casa De Bieb in Calabasas, CA.  The doc — a Liability Waiver and Release — warns that anyone who blabs about any of the goings on inside the mansion will get nailed, and that includes the “physical health, or the philosophical, spiritual or other views or characteristics” of Bieber or the guests.

The document makes it clear … anyone who violates the terms of the waiver will automatically be on the hook for $5 million in damages.

But wait … there’s more.  If you dare tweet about the party — $5 mil.  If you blog — $5 mil.  If you Instagram — $5 mil. 

And God knows what goes on inside, but the form warns there might be activities which are “potentially hazardous and you should not participate unless you are medically able and properly trained.”

And there’s more … The risks include “minor injuries to catastrophic injuries, including death.”

Truth be told … other big celebs also make people sign these waivers, but it’s pretty hilarious.

And now, definitive proof Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are definitely maybe BACK TOGETHER — Arnold totally grabbed Maria’s butt last weekend … and TMZ has video.

As we reported, Arnold and Maria were attending their daughter Christina’s graduation at Georgetown … and while people were milling around everywhere, Arnold casually cupped Maria’s backside. It’s subtle, but it happened.

FYI, Arnold has been obsessed with Maria’s caboose since he met her in the ’70s — in fact, Arnold recently told a story on “60 Minutes” about how he told Maria’s mother her daughter had a “great ass.”

TMZ broke the story … Arnold and Maria have been putting off their divorce and there are two lines of speculation — 1) they’re so rich divorce doesn’t matter … and 2) they secretly want to reconcile.

This video seems to suggest the latter … but we still gotta ask …